Remember that shy little girl that would sit in the middle of the classroom?

Yea me neither

She was a shy, quiet girl who could also be described as a pushover. I hated that little girl, but I understood her. Always wanting to avoid conflict I tried to live in that fantasy in my head of sunshine and rainbows knowing that if I stayed to myself everything would be fine. Oh, how I was wrong. When being blamed on by my sister and getting bullied by that girl in your class that would pick on you for no reason. I would be that little girl who would just sit there and take it.

Did I do something wrong?

Did I say or do something to provoke them?

What did I do?

Constantly asking myself the same question repeatedly but have yet to find and answer.

As I entered high school, I found myself speaking up more defending myself. I realized to survive in this cruel world, you need to fight back to defend yourself. People are not always going to be kind and will try to abuse your kindness. That was me once upon a time. Something changed about me that led me to become the person I am today. As time goes on, I realized my worth. I’ve found my courage, I learned to speak up for myself, defend myself and changed that little push over of a girl to a strong, independent, confident woman that’s you see today.

For many years her mother was sick but didn’t realize how bad her condition’ had become.

Anne was my mother’s name. she was woman in her 40’s, hardworking and relied on only herself to take care of her only child. Me her youngest daughter Jewel was a cheerful but shy at times, I was 8-year-old that lived right her mother and wanted to be by her side through thick and thin.

“Mommy are you feeling better yet” I asked my mother

“Yes baby” my replied as she secretly tries to hide the fact, she’s in pain.

She always told us tells her child knowing that it would her a peace in mind.

Anne would act as if she was invincible in front of her children and to show that her sickness could not stop her from having a normal life like any other mother.

“Come on baby get ready were going to the amusement park” mother says cheerfully

“I’m not a baby anymore mommy” I say

I hated that name.

I never understood why she would push herself knowing she didn’t feel well.

Well either way we still went to the amusement park, and she even went on the rides along with me. it made me happy that’s I was able to spend time like this with my mother like this. Eating popcorn, winning prizes, taking pictures and the screams we shared while riding the big kid roller coasters as my mother says. A memory that would always hold a special place in my heart. Days later after I thought she was feeling better she seemed to have gotten worse, and my heart skipped a beat as it ached in pain of the thought of my mother in constant pain.

This pain, her pain. It was different. She was rushed to the hospital to be taken care of. This was normal to me. In and out the hospital but this time… this time she didn’t come out.

I was scared as I sat next to my mother hospital bed as her tray of mash potatoes, chicken breast, peas, and her cup of closed apple juice collects dust on the side table of the bed.

“Why didn’t you eat your food” I asked with concern

“No baby I’m not hungry right now, I’ll eat later I promise” she replied slowly

Silence as she slowly drifts off to sleep.

Not to long I left to go home with the rest of my family

After that next day when I planned to go visit my mom at the hospital, but something was different at home. It was so gloomy but yet it was so bright outside. Something wasn’t right. My family cried and for some reason I started to cry but for some odd reason I knew that I wouldn’t hear that nickname that I hated so much again.

A bird, a black bird

A bird that is despised and feared by others

Seen as evil and Menacing to the eye

A bird no one admires, that no one sees the kindness passed its darkness

A bird, a white bird

A bird that is loved and cared for

Seen as beautiful and graceful

A bird everyone admires, no matter even if it shows it’s evil passed it brightness

What did the crow do to become despised?

Its color, its features, or is it become its seen as ugly

Or because it’s seen as vicious to the eye

When otherwise it’s a bird that has a heart and only wants to be loved and cherished like the dove

Why is the dove so loved?

Why is the dove seen as kinder as the crow?

A dove’s heart can be blacker than its feathers

We protect the dove only because it brings beauty to the world and even though it may look ugly on the inside

A crow, A dove

Black and white two opposite colors

Much like Ying and Yang, they bring balance to each other

But instead the crow cries in sorrow and envy and the dove laughs as its worshipped

Last year of 2020 the phrase Black Lives Matter was a major topic throughout society. It made a bigger impact through social media when the brutal murder of George Floyd by a police officer. Floyd was kneeled on the neck and unfortunately died from the suffocation of lack of oxygen. This also brought up many previous deaths of black lives that were taken by either the police force or people with racially motivated violence against black people such as Breonna Taylor a woman who died in 2018 was shot in her home in her bed while she was asleep; Ahmaud Arbery a man who died in 2020 jogging through the neighborhood of near Brunswick in Glynn County, Georgia and encountered two white men Gregory and Travis McMichael who followed Arbery with two guns and fatally shot him. Lastly Elijah McClain a man who was died in 2019 after the police restrained him with a chokehold after a 911 call of someone “looking sketchy”. This political issue has made a dramatic change in society and has damaged the trust, fear, and hate in the criminal justice system. Now and days people of color fear live in fear that they might be the next person their family and friends will see next on the news. The Black Lives Matter movement has touched the hearts of many, where celebrities would donate money to families who lost their loved ones and people making songs that would speak on the topic. Such 13-year-old Keedron Bryant created the song “I Just Wanna Live”, an emotional expression of how hard it is for Black people in America to live without fear of brutality. Like many, other people have shown their support to express their emotions and fight against black violence. Sadly, we live in a world especially in the United States the land of the “free” and “equality” can be killed and or brutalized based on the color of one’s skin but not the actions they make.